Sunday, October 22, 2006

beaten battered disappointed..

I've just finished watching what was one of the worst performances by Liverpool in recent years. After a bright start (which lasted about five minutes) it was like Liverpool never showed up. Some sloppy defending led to a first half goal from Paul Scholes. Scholes celebrated his 500th game for manyoo by scoring off a trademark late run into the box. Where was the defense? That goal just knocked the remaining steam off liverpool and the players faded into oblivion.. Luis Garcia had the most dreadful of games. The only thing he seemed to be doing was giving the ball away. Kuyt had a fantastic chance from a pinpoint cross by young gonzalez and he failed to make good contact. Manyoo meanwhile made decent inroads into the liverpool area with two good shots from Saha which were parried by Reina.
The second half was pretty much more of the same. Decent attacking play from manyoo and liverpool giving the ball away. A fantastic goal from Ferdinand gave manyoo the two goal cushion. Frankly, half a goal woulda done away liverpool today. The performance was abyssmal. There was no hunger, no urgency, no drive.. that too in a derby match of this magnitude and importance. Benitez's got some serious thinking to do. Perhaps playing Gerrard in centre midfield would be a good start. Tough times ahead. wait and watch..

Saturday, January 28, 2006

and GOD has returned to anfield...

Once again the the boots (or rather the left boot in particular) of GOD (a.k.a Robiie Fowler to rest of the world) grace the pitch at anfield. Albeit only till the end of the season, this is bound to make a significant impact on our season. In addition to his natural goal scoring abilities and poaching instincts what fowler is an unquestionable passion for the club (a quality lacking most current liverpool players saving carra and gerrard). He is after all an out and out scouser. One could see that in his celebration after scoring against united for city. Pity he couldn't complete the move before the game last week. I can't wait to see the welcome he's given by the Kop against birmingham..

"People can talk about having a lot of money to buy players but we've just signed a player with a passion and a heart for this club that no amount of money can buy. We are close to a very high level right now but with Robbie we can go even higher."
- Rafa Benitez (27th January 2006)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

fwd : the tale that never was

this has to be amongst the best forwards I have received... (from Kannan) I dont know if its a real life incident. If not, kudos to the person who came up with this! He/She deserves an award.

the premise...

Here's a prime example of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus"offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix.
The professor told his class one day:
"Today we will experiment witha new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a shortstory.You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students : Ruby and Craig. (Names changed .. in case this is a true story)


(first paragraph by Ruby)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Craig)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit ove Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. " A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.


Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed theUnilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.


This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinisticsemi-literate adolescent.


Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"








Go drink some tea - whore.


"A+ - I really liked this one.*

brilliant! isn't it?

Monday, December 05, 2005

writing as a guest

I decided to chronicle my terrible but highly entertaining voyage from the taramani road to my desk at tidel park.. somehow it ended up on Somu's blog Click here to check it out.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

post mortem (i.e long time no posts...)

Sorry about the poor pun on the title. Couldn't think of another one. Been a long time.. To say that I was busy preparing for CAT would be poor alibi. It'd be like the stupid stuff one has to make up while conversing with people at work that you don't really know. That pretty much brings me to the topic of this post.. silly exchanges at work just for the sake of talking. Why is it that absolutely everyone who u've ever met at work has to be acknowledge each and every time you pass them? I mean.. its in the corridors.. the water cooler, the canteen and even the loo. It starts off in the morning with a polite 'hi' or a 'good morning' (if its a boss) and later evolves into a meaningless shrug towards the end of the day which pretty much says 'yeah i know u work here.. so do i'. And who can forget the post lunch exchanges.. 'had lunch?' yeah! u? yeah! good.. otherwise u'd starve!
Ofcourse as the weekend approaches.. the exchanges become more pleasant. the 'had lunch' transforms to 'what plans?' and the shrugs carry a lot more meaning. It is ofcourse not as monotonous as it sounds.. there are new dimensions that are added here and there. Such as heavy rains (especially the last month) and ofcourse birthdays.
It was with the birthday saga that I had my wierdest experience yet at work. This was when i'd barely been at Sify for a fortnight.. 8.45 am. I walk in to Tidel Park, go up the elevator and enter the loo to wash up.. I look at the mirror and see this guy washing his face. (Now I just about knew who this guy was and couldnt recall the name at the moment)
Guy (name not revealed for fear of getting beaten up) : Today is my birthday (with a reaaaly big smile on his face!!)
Me : ... {... => stunned silence (thinking - wtf)}
Guy : (still carrying the stupid grin)
about 5 seconds later..
Me : (muttering) oh! many happy returns
Guy : thanks (needless to say.. still smiling)

Me (moving on.. moving the finger near my ear a la asterix) is this guy is crazy? (to another unfortunate soul who apparently had been subjected to the same, 5 mins earlier)

Perhaps it is to avoid situations like these that the company puts up the names of the birthday guys and girls on the notice board as we enter.. wishing them.

Friday, September 02, 2005

friends, romans, countrymen... lend me your earphones!

I stumbled upon a very useful concept yesterday when I was testing out Google Talk. (which rocks btw..) I didn't have a microphone on the laptop.. Was wondering how much a microphone costs. My teammate innocuously suggested that I try using earphones as a speaker. Naturally i laughed it off.. However he persisted and i decided to give it a go.. It works.. and works beautifully! I then proceeded to test out the same by calling Somu (a collegue at work) who also did not have a microphone on his laptop. The conversation was as follows..
(Legend : A (v) implies Akshay speaking
S (t) implies Somu typing)

A (v) : Dude can you hear me??

No response (At this point i didn't know that he too didn't have a microphone)


S (t) : wtf??

A (v) : if you can hear me.. type yes

S (t) : yes

(sounds like the Bell - Watson conversation doesn't it?)

and then the conversation proceeded to how i managed to accomplish what i had.. Mind you i had to walk over and demonstrate the same to him as proof of concept!

So.. if you wanna use the earphones as a microphone for chatting/recording stuff just plug them into the microphone slot. (Apparently only one of the earphones functions as a microphone and I don't know which one.. So I would advise everyone to hold both up to your mouth)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

the barclaycard premiership 05/06 season.. a brief preview

Who can Challenge Chelsea?
Blue is the color, soccer is the game
We are the champions
Chelsea is our name
Chelsea, Chelsea,Chelsea

Last year the English Premier League was dominated by Chelsea FC who clinched the Championship Title at a canter, 12 points ahead of Arsenal and 18 points ahead of Manchester United, and in taking the championship to Stamford Bridge for the first time in 50 years, lost only one game and conceded a miserly 15 goals.

too good? Well, it'd be hard to replicate that... even for Chelsea. As Arsenal have learnt the hard way... Retaining the premiership title is not an easy task.

It's gonna be a cracker of a season.. I can hardly wait!

the liverpool perspective
We are the European Champions and thoroughly deserve to be so!
Champions ride their luck and we did exactly that in Istanbul last May, when we came back to snatch the European crown from a bewildered AC Milan.
Liverpool have been defending their Champions League title since last month, having been required to enter the competition at the first qualifying round stage, and a result will hit the ground running for the opening games of the new season.

some points to ponder ...
Our Best close season buy?
Rafa Benitez has brought in Peter Crouch and Bolo Zenden, but the shrewdest purchase of the summer could prove to be 20-year-old Mali international Mohamed Sissoko. Comparisons to a young Patrick Viera have been drawn, and with Didi Hamaan approaching the twilight of his career, the stage is set for the holding midfielder to complement Liverpool’s two truly world-class midfielders, Steven Gerrard and Xabi Alonso.

Player to watch?
It's gotta be Gerrard... It’s difficult to look beyond Gerrard for this one. By his own admission the Liverpool captain blew hot and cold last season, but when he raised his game he was simply devastating. With the trauma of his on-off Chelsea transfer hopefully behind him, he can look forward to a season where he cements his reputation as one of the Premiership’s hottest talents. His form in the Champions League qualifiers certains suggest as much!

How safe is the boss?
If Liverpool had not won the Champions League then last season would have been viewed as an unmitigated disaster. 37 points off the pace in the Premiership and 11 defeats on the road was simply unacceptable and Benitez knows there will have to be a considerable improvement. He looks to have the right temperament and tactical nous to turn Liverpool’s Premiership fortunes around, but it’s worth remembering how quickly Gerard Houllier fell out of favour at Anfield after delivering the cup treble in 2001.

Where will we finish?
Fourth. Liverpool have a lot of talent to draw from and will surely not allow themselves to fall as far behind the big three as last season, but inconsistency and a daunting fixture list (they could play more than 70 games this season) will probably see us fall short of being genuine title contenders once again.

P.S : Please excuse the liberal usage of we/us/our in context with Liverpool.. but that's how it is!
P.P.S : Interesting piece of trivia....
Only one club (incidentally also from merseyside) does not have to wear away kits for all domestic competitions in England..
Ans : Preston North End. PNS being the champions of the first ever league competition are exempted from wearing away kits.. and the home team will have to adjust should their kits clash!